Secrets about Guys [that shouldn't be secret]

Things I've learned ...

Thoughts taken from this book by Grace Dove, "Secret about Guys [that shouldn't be secret]:

Secret 1 - "Guys appreciate modesty."
- If you want a truly godly guy, you must cultivate becoming a truly godly woman.
- 98% of men said that they've been distracted by a girl's or woman's appearance in a church service. How sad is that??

Secret 2 - "Guys have definite ideas about beauty."
- Your outward appearance tells a great deal about your personality - your inner attitudes - how you feel about yourself and how you feel toward others.  Being neat and clean sends a positive message that guys pick up on -  and appreciate!
- Manicured nails are pretty.  - I guess this means I have to work again at not biting my nails ...
- Part of the reason guys like cheerful girls is because men carry the weight of ultimate leadership on their shoulders.  Because of this, guys find encouragement in being around girls who are relaxed and pleasant.
From a Boundless response to a podcast: It's not attractive for her to belittle herself or sink into a shell when I try to reach out. It's irritating to the extreme if I complement a woman on her appearance and she instantly dismisses it or comes up with reasons she looks awful. Not only is the self-degradation unattractive, but she basically said my taste in what is physically attractive stinks. Ouch.

Secret 3 - "Guys love a little mystery"
- I'd like to challenge you to try wearing a casual dress or skirt for any occasion where you might normally wear jeans.  OK.  Challenge extended.  Challenge accepted.  Stay tuned for results.
- Giving hugs away too easily decreases the value of a woman.  Hmm ... I DO like to give hugs.  Maybe now I'll cut back a bit.
- Don't initiate conversations all the time.
- If you step in at the wrong time, intending to help a guy out, you may be interfering with his inner battle, taking away his opportunity for victory.  You know what that does?  It forces him either to surrender leadership to you or to look elsewhere until he can master his fear!

Secret 4 - "Guys are not all alike"
- Outlined different types of guys - creative, studious, player, cool dude
- Outlined different stages of guys - friends, cooties, bachelors forever, crushes, Peter Pan, embarrassed, curious, struggles, attracted, entertainment, friends, pursuit

Secret 5 - "Guys Vs. Girls"
- Guys don't like competitive guys vs. girls contests.  They feel like it's automatically a lose-lose situation.  On one hand when guys win a contest, they're put in a male chauvinist category.  If they lose, they're humiliated and their male egos are bruised. I did not realize this at all.  Good to know as a teaching strategy as well.
- Merely trying to tell girls they don't want to be part of this rivalry puts guys at a disadvantage.  If they attempt to decline a challenge, they get razzed for being sissies.  If they try explaining that they don't like the idea of overpowering girls and they don't want to accidentally injure them, they're blasted for being sexist.

Secret 6 - "Guys are allergic to silliness"
- Acting silly will get their attention, but it sure does not get their admiration.
- What translates to silliness to guys now?  It usually occurs when girls are in groups glancing at guys, whispering, giggling, laughing loudly, squealing, shrieking, stumbling around, etc.
- Even if it doesn't feel natural at first, any young lady can learn manners and social graces.  Do I need to learn social graces?  I suppose I'm not the most graceful person on the planet ... 
- Things that scare guys: girls' purses, her room, meeting a girl's dad, girls whispering, girls-only conversations, girls' tears, girls' hearts Funny stories about a couple of the items on this list.  If only I had known ... :)

Secret 7 - "Guys' lives don't revolve around girls"
Duh.


Secret 8 - "Guys need breathing room"
- It gives him the space he needs to develop a strong, healthy personality.
- Be at peace with yourself.  When you're not dependent on guys for your fulfilment, you're actually succeeding in maintaining some of that mystery that's so alluring to males.  I like that last sentence.

Secret 9 - "Guys are vulnerable"
- The truth is that men (and women) are made after God's image.  Since that's the case, and God expresses all kinds of emotions, it should be a reasonable assumption that guys would express all kinds of emotions too.
- For guys, experiencing rejection is a more complicated maze.  Most guys don't react the way girls do. To do so would invite even more rejection from a wider scope of people.  So guys are stuck dealing with their anguish by themselves.  The isolation can intensify the pain and make it take longer to heal.  As a result, guys are generally more careful and much more reluctant to make serious commitments in a relationship.
- Every time a guy makes overtures toward you, he is temporarily giving you the power to wound him.
Ideas to help support guys who are struggling: ask what hospital a relative is in so I can send a card/visit, redirect his thoughts to something that is positive, ask role models to come in support at an event if his parents/close friends can't make it.  I'm going to look ways to encourage the men that already exist in my life.  These include: my dad, my brother, my pastor, my two brothers-in-law, AOYA friends, faculty members, any others that you can think of?

Secret 10 - "Guys want to be heroes"
-  For most of us, the princess-hero plan has been muddled by our culture.  Many young ladies don't realize they are potential "princesses."  They have never learned to appreciate their femininity.  In fact, they've been taught just the opposite, to strive to be like guys.
- Being a princess means that you have direct access to the king, that you have more responsibility, and that there's a "prince" searching for you.
- Posture is important to guys.  Be regal.  I can work on this.
- Look directly at the person speaking and give him my full focus.
- Exercise control over my emotions and make wise choices based on what is right rather than how I feel
- Other qualities of a princess: selflessness, humility, kindness, trust and faithfulness, occupied, respect and admiration, strength, intelligence
- When you know who you are (a princess with all your strengths and weaknesses), when you know your worth in God and your purpose, you won't need to be - or dare to be - proud.
- A girl occupied with life tantalizes a guy's curiosity.
- To protect and provide is so inherent in a guy's nature that they view women filling men's roles as a sign that they are not carrying out their responsibilities to care for women.  I know this to be true for sure.

Secret 11: Guys notice homemaking skills
- These skills include cooking and baking (I don't think I have a problem there), housekeeping (definitely NOT my strong point), kind to children (hello ... do you know what I do for a living and how I fill all my spare time), how I handle money (working on it, improving for sure, but when I look at the questions, it causes me to reflect a lot more ...) Do I have any credit cards? Am I in debt? What is my source of income? What is my attitude when I approach my parents for money? Am I covetous? Do I have to have the best of everything? Do I take care of what I already have? Am I grateful person? Am I content?  Am I generous? How does my outlook on money affect my outlook on guys? I think I surprised myself with the answers to some of these questions.  I think that there are way where I could be more generous.

Secret 12: Guys have a unique relationship with their moms
- Pay attention to a guy's interaction with his siblings
- Note how a guy's parents relate with each other.  They are modelling a marriage and your guy friend is learning from them.
- Note how your guy friend gets along with his father.
A peaceful girlfriend/fiancee/daughter-in-law will:
1) be friendly toward he guy's mom
2) will not try to isolate her husband from his parents, siblings and family.
3) will not make her husband choose between his mom and her.
4) will refuse to be in competition with her mother-in-law
5) will be a support to her husband, concerning his family